Body Positivity is Worth the Work
And some clarification on how BODY NEUTRALITY and BODY POSITIVITY differ
Note: This newsletter is adapted from an article I wrote for the LESS AWKWARD newsletter, which focuses on parenting kids during the second decade of life.
I’ve been a research scientist and psychologist studying body image for nearly three decades, and my goal has always been to increase our understanding of body image so that we (psychologists) can help people develop a more positive body image. Having a positive body image is not only related to mental health in general; it is protective against some physical and behavioral health issues. People with a more positive body image are less likely to experience eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and substance use disorders. A positive body image supports healthy social relationships and the desire to respect ourselves and demand respect from others.
In other words, it is worth working on becoming more body-positive. The consequences of our body images are vast, and our quality of life is at stake. (I know that sounds a bit dramatic and I’m biased, given my career choice, but the data support this claim!)
As the body positivity movement has been more present in social media spaces in recent years, criticism of it – some of it valid – has emerged. Perhaps the biggest critique of body positivity is that it is unobtainable; it’s just too hard to feel good about your body in a culture that sets impossible standards. Some have championed body neutrality as a response to this critique.
WHAT IS BODY NEUTRALITY?
To achieve body neutrality you’d focus on a more, well, neutral attitude toward your body. In other words, instead of aiming to feel good about your physical self, you’d aim not to feel bad and even to just not think about your body as much at all. The goal is acceptance, contentment, and an appreciation for all your body does for you.
Some body image researchers, myself included, believe that body neutrality is a really important part of developing a positive body image. These aren’t entirely different because having a positive body image means respecting, caring for, and appreciating your body. What body neutrality may lack is a sense of joy or more positive emotions surrounding your body.
Your body image goals should depend on where you are at now. If you are struggling and distraught about your body and appearance, aiming not to feel bad is a great place to start. If you are feeling generally okay about your body, you may want to spend some time engaging in activities (e.g., yoga, a sport you enjoy, gratitude exercises) that help you appreciate your body more and feel joy in your body.
Having a body isn’t always easy, but the human body is pretty darn amazing. Nurturing a positive body image – or at the very least, body neutrality—can greatly benefit our mental and physical health and is worth the investment.
HOW TO TALK WITH KIDS ABOUT BODY IMAGE
· Who cares? When your kids comment on or complain about their appearance, try replying with “who cares?” sometimes. Teach them that their appearance doesn’t always matter or define them. We’re just going to Target. Who cares what we look like?
· Vary your compliments. Make a point of complimenting your kids on features other than appearance. It is easy to comment on appearance – their cute hairstyle or shirt – because that’s what we SEE and are used to complimenting. But nurture the belief that our worth is about much more than our appearance by complimenting their sense of humor, conscientiousness, kindness towards friends, and other skills and talents.
· Unconditional love. Remind your kids (explicitly!) of your unconditional love and support. Body image research suggests this can be protective and help kids develop their own self-acceptance.
· Body ideals. Talk with your kids about the unrealistic appearance ideals they see everywhere. Make sure they know that influencers and celebrities are paid to look the way they do – it’s their job! The rest of us tend to have more multifaceted jobs, and that’s a good thing.
There is not a lot of research focused on body neutrality at this point, but check out this one and this one for more in-depth information.
And don’t forget…
Adultish: The Body Image Book for Life
My book is available now in the U.S. and the U.K. on Amazon or wherever you like to buy books!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if you have a copy of Adultish, write a review on Amazon and Goodreads. This helps books SO much!
