People at the Pool

It is a gift to live in our bodies

Like many of us living in the Northeast (who weren’t invited to Taylor Swift’s wedding), I spent the Fourth of July weekend trying not to melt. I took more than one (cool) shower per day. I stayed in the air conditioning as much as possible. And I went to our community pool.

I’ve been going to our local community pool for nearly two decades. At first, it was primarily a place to take small kids on hot summer days. It became a place for summer playdates and overtired-kid tantrums at the snack bar. My kids took swim lessons and became cool kids with ankle bracelets indicating they could jump off the diving board. One of those kids became a lifeguard, and my pride was outsized, even as I appreciated that all of these lifeguards were teenagers and might not actually be able to save me if needed.

My old sunhat was always more glamorous on her.

Now that my kids have gotten older, I usually go to the pool alone to swim laps. It’s less of a social outing, and I find myself watching the people at the pool. I’m not a creepy watcher (I swear!) but an admirer. There are people I know or know of in this small community I am fortunate to call home, and I am in awe of so many of them.

Maybe I became a psychologist because I am simply in awe of people – their stories, resilience, and complexity.

There is the mom swimming laps with her college-aged son. He is becoming a man while she is growing older. His muscles are growing, while hers are softening, but it is beautiful to see them together.

There are the tween girls in their bikinis, obviously self-conscious and trying not to be. They look amazing, but they don’t know it.

There is the woman who lost her husband to cancer at far too young an age. I marvel at how she continues to move through ordinary summer days after such tragedy. Her scars are not visible, and no one can see that her body is carrying a heavy heart. Somehow, she is able to keep swimming.

A favorite shot of a kid newly able to jump off the diving board, circa 2013

There is the dad with a big tattoo on his back. Without my glasses on, I can’t tell if it’s a crucifix or something entirely different. Regardless, I hope someone held his hand while he got it -- and that it was a celebration of his body.

There is the grandma who is helping with two young children. I watch them go get ice cream and try to keep it from melting in the heat. They lick the stickiness off their hands and arms and are unabashed in their enjoyment of one another and their snack.

There are women applying sunscreen to each other’s backs. Was there ever such a physical display of “I’ve got your back” as this? It is a small physical act with psychological roots.

There are the lifeguards in their teenage bodies. They flirt with each other and splash in the water. I can’t quite believe they are younger than my own son and daughter. I envy their youth and their tanned skin, but I wouldn’t trade their bodies for the freedom that comes with being older and caring less.

In body image work, we often say that our bodies are the vehicles that move us through our lives; how they appear is just a small part of who we are. But I know that this is hard to internalize because most of us care about how we look and what others think about our appearance. But when I see people at the pool, I see how much their bodies hold. I see their stretch marks, sunburns, soft skin, wrinkles, and scars. I see tenderness, grief, pride, pleasure, and connection.

The people at the pool remind me that it is a gift to live in our bodies. I watch them with gratitude and something like reverence; we all age, suffer, reach for one another, play, and do our best to keep swimming.

In case you haven’t heard this many, many times, the revised version of The Body Image Book for Girls is available now! For more info and to order, go to www.TheBodyImageBook.com.

Also, I can take a couple more clients if you are interested in body image or eating disorder counseling. See my group practice info here or email me at drcharlottemarkey@gmail.com.

And finally, I will be running a body image group for women 35+, and you can drop in to one or all of these sessions (time is ET/NYC). Depending on how this goes, I may continue it indefinitely. Email me to register; the first 15 people to register per week will be our group!